Hi reddit,
I think my mom is planning to abandon our family. Some background- my dad left the family almost a decade ago, my mom never remarried. I think she probably has both NPD and BPD. She has been emotionally abusive and manipulative since forever, but much worse after my dad left. She has a file with Children's Aid after one of my siblings spoke to a counsellor, but all they did was speak to her about emotional abuse once. I am a university student [21] living away from home. I have two younger siblings living with my mom still [17, 11] and an older sister [22] living with her as well, already finished school and working full-time. She definitely does not love us, and we have all accepted that years ago. I do not think she has any empathy for us.
I am worried that she has been planning to fully abandon our family. I was looking through her computer and I found evidence of her remortgaging the house that was already fully paid, and of her withdrawing large sums of money every week. She makes decent money above the median family income in ontario which is around 80k. She has a boyfriend from a country in Europe that she visits sometimes when I am home for break, and I know she has thought about marrying him and has joked about going to live there forever.
My [17] brother a couple months ago experienced his first psychotic episode, and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I think this is somewhat a blessing in disguise. Looking back, I think she was about to leave before this happened. She kept saying she might go on a vacation for a while, and kept asking me when I was coming home for Christmas. I found out her financial situation during this break. At that point she was $180k in new debt.. starting from when she started dating her boyfriend a year ago. My brother's episode was very scary and he entered inpatient treatment for 1 month. My mom would not believe the diagnosis at first and kept asking me if schizophrenia is curable. Eventually I think she accepted the situation and has been relatively lowkey. But recently she has been asking me what I plan to do in a month when the school year ends, and other strange questions and comments that she used to make before my brother got sick. He has been stable lately and is responding well to medication, so I think she thinks she's in the clear.
She has also been pressuring my older sister to think about investing in a cottage together, "for the future family", and gets very angry when she refuses. My mom has been doing this also since she started dating her boyfriend. She still does this to this day. We think she is trying to find some way to hook my sister onto her debt. This is why we fear a more permanent "vacation". My older sister is likely to get a permanent job soon, leaving short contracts behind, and we think this is itching her on to keep pressuring my sister. We think she would still leave even without an "investment" being bought, as long as there is some stability present.
My older sibling is thinking about moving out, but we worry about our mom's reaction. We think she could become dangerous and violent and we still have other siblings dependent on her. We don't know what to do. We think there are two practical options;
- Either my sister tells her she got a permanent job and we let my mom leave and abandon us. We let Children's Aid figure shit out and rely on family friends.
- Or my sister keeps saying she has short contract jobs only, effectively chaining my mom down. We think with this option she will get more and more abusive. It will be a while before everyone becomes adults. And she might decide to leave anyway.
This is stressful. And we don't know what to do about it. We do not have a case for physical violence which is the only thing that will take kids away in our region. We do not have other family to rely on. We don't want to be under my mom's abuse and manipulation. We are scared of her leaving because there are two dependents on the line still. What is likely to happen in these scenarios? We are in Ontario, Canada.
TL;DR:
For various reasons (remortgaging house, new 100k+ debt, boyfriend abroad, comments hinting, possibility of a stable guardian to replace her) I think my mom is planning to abandon the family and leave the country. We believe she is waiting for my sibling to get a permanent job, and will then leave. We can either let her leave and deal with the consequences, or my sibling pretends to be on contract and suffer abuse until our youngest sibling can leave the house. She might leave regardless. We are in Ontario, Canada.
What would happen to us legally in the possible situations, and what should we do or could do in preparation?
Thank you, sorry if things are unclear.
Written By: helpimbeingabandoned
Source: http://bit.ly/2K7vRPJ
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